intentions and the reason i left tonight

by James Lane

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lyrics

i cant tell the truth to myself
let alone anyone else
because the truth i know
is a watered down excuse of the truth that i used to sell
so steer my eyes away from the ache
and all the awful decisions that i make
away from the pain in my chest
and the loneliness i feel lying awake
in bed.

sometimes i feel you don't care about the solitude
and that's fine
but how can you not understand that i do it all for you
and this time
i know it's not God who comes forward
i know it's not You who shakes the light
and that's why the truth
starts with tonight.

because tonight i left
not with the intention of leaving
but with the intention of leaving myself behind
to find something i was comfortable thinking about
and as the floor glistened
as my feet went numb
i felt alone.

i felt at home.

yet i felt surrounded
by life and it's purity
i felt that if you could just be here
alone, with me
then i'd be afraid to even look
let alone, see.

sometimes i wish it would kill me
quicker than the packets say
but you must understand that deep down
i feel okay
but in an obsure
difficult kind of way,

only when i'm here though
and that's the reason i must go
not with the intention of going
but with the intention of going home.

credits

released January 16, 2018

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James Lane England, UK

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